


On The Outside Looking In

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Series: Covalent Bonds [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Gen, Other, POV Outsider, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't help but like your upstairs neighbor, even though he's a little shit who turns his music up way too loud at odd hours. He's this plucky little rustie with amazing horns, he knows how to slice and dice a guy in like two seconds, and once when you broke your thermal hull during the dim season he was neighborly enough to ask his palebro to fix it for you, even though ain't no way to get to know him in the course of normal conversation.</p><p>Also, when his featherbeast lusus died... You weren't there when it happened but afterwards he was just like a little robo-dude, rambling on automatic behind his facade and not even knowing it was cracked to hell and back, pretending like it was just a fact of life and he didn't mind.</p><p>So yeah okay you are vaguely pale on your upstairs neighbor.</p><p>--<br/>How does a normal troll with no clue that the game ever existed see an ex-player, anyway? Especially one who used to be an alien. Hopefully a series of various outsider POVs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 - Octans

**Author's Note:**

> So far I only got the one right now, but I really want to get more random trolls' varied opinions on the guys. Could be hella fun. I don't think I'll be reusing OCs much, though.

You can't help but like your upstairs neighbor, even though he's a little shit who turns his music up way too loud at odd hours. He's this plucky little rustie with amazing horns, he knows how to slice and dice a guy in like two seconds, and once when you broke your thermal hull during the dim season he was neighborly enough to ask his palebro to fix it for you, even though ain't no way to get to know him in the course of normal conversation.

Also, when his featherbeast lusus died... You weren't there when it happened but afterwards he was just like a little robo-dude, rambling on automatic behind his facade and not even knowing it was cracked to hell and back, pretending like it was just a fact of life and he didn't mind.

So yeah okay you are vaguely pale on your upstairs neighbor.

He's just such a little badass in a lot of ways, but that's really only the wrapping around a delicious sugary-cloud-confection center of social awkwardness and too-nice-to-live-long.

Lucky for him (less lucky for you) his moirail is badass all the way through.

So yeah okay you're nursing a bit of a crush, but you don't let it get to your head. You just... When there's water dripping all over the wall of your food preparation block you _might_ be less annoyed than the circumstances warrant.

"Hey, mom, I'm goin' up to talk to Deyv', yeah?"

She croaks something displeased back; you get a couple of buzzbeasts from the jar for her to munch on, and you get out to the staircase and get climbing.

This high up all the wormlights are dead but he never bothers to complain enough to have them replaced. You're mildly worried, but really the only neighbor this high is him, and he ain't the type to set up an ambush. Too trusting by half; you despair a little of keeping him safe.

... Okay yes it's not your job to keep him safe.

You knock at his door and holler through; "Dey _vid_ , stop molesting the showerhead, I've got water all through my hive!"

You don't, it's really just one room, but the puddle is going to reach the edges soon and then it'll get into all sorts of appliances and if that happens, crush or not, you might get a little _annoyed_.

No response. You knock again. "Deeeeeeyv'! C'mon, you're never out, don't front!"

Then again maybe he's on the roof. You swear some days it's all the moonlight he gets. Too bad it has to come peppered in concupiscent come-ons from that bag of fuckslime from the next hivestem over. Asshole can't even settle on red or pitch, it's as visible as Deyv's horns in a crowd that all he wants is to wet his bulge. And he's loud, too, you're sure even Lalika from two floors down gets to hear everything about his gross flirting. Some days you're almost tempted to slip a mention to Deyv's moirail, so he can settle this for everyone.

(It's kind of really not your place to go behind Deyv's back on this, but the disturbance is bad enough that you'd totally do it if Deyv's moirail wasn't so fucking terrifying.)

You're about to turn around and head for the roof when the door cracks open. Rust-red shades tilt up to stare you in the face. His mouth is, as always, a flat, neutral line and you are very much not thinking about rubbing your thumb over it and nudging it into a little smile. Nnnope.

"Sup."

"Heyo. Dunno if you've noticed but you've got a leak. My food prep block is like halfway to becoming a pool. I ain't got secret gills so that's kind of a bit of a problem, you get me?"

... You're totally babbling. Fuck.

He just nods. "Yeah, the shower's water tank decided it could not deal with not having me and exploded all over my fine gray ass. Been trying to contain that flood but I don't think I have enough buckets in the whole ho-hive."

And as you're still trying not to cough and flush a fugly yellow, he steps back from the door and pushes it open. "Mind giving me a hand until my bro gets here?"

Oh. Oh man, he's inviting you into his hive. He is _inviting you into his hive_. You manage cool, you think, when you nod and step in, hands politely stuffed deep in your pockets, but inside you're all aflutter, like you ain't six perigees away from going offworld.

Then again ain't like you're gonna have time to convince him to elope if his palebro is on his way.

You try not to be too obvious as you steal glances at everything. So far it's pretty much exactly like you expected it to be, a mass of game grubs not even penned and slowly traveling across the floors, a half-dead couch and a fairly nice viewscreen that you think is probably secondhand, but if it's from his moirail that doesn't mean it's not better than new. Lucky little bulgeclod.

You don't get to see his respiteblock, which is probably good for the state of your bloodpusher. The water sprinkling closet is..

He wasn't kidding about the buckets. Oh dear Empress. There's like five of them wedged underneath the leaks, only two of them a proper, sober understated gray-with-sign. The rest are, like... _sparkly_. One of them has a feather fuzz rim for fuck's sake. Is he making a concupiscent pass at you?

"Dude, it's a joke bucket, can you imagine getting the feathers all stuck to your ass by your own jizz, yeah, that'd be hot. Breathe."

He is totally not saying anything about the pink one with sparkles, you notice. Or the eye-searing-green and animal-red polka-dotted one. Ffff _too much information_.

"Shut up, you lil' turd, I'm breathing just fine. Why the hell didn't you use a can? You gotta have empties you haven't carried down yet. Or a dish washing basin, the edge is straight, right, it'd fit better against the wall."

He stares up at you for a second and then slaps his own forehead. "Yeah okay, let it not be said that I am not a fucking dumbass some days. Be right back."

Oh hell, he's _so cute_.

You step into the water sprinkling closet itself and go on tiptoes to get a better look at the tank, and you remind yourself that it means nothing that he left you alone in his own hive, free to wander off and nose around; he's just going back and forth, there's no time to get anywhere, and likely he'd see you anyway.

"Look how nice I am, not even saying anything about that!" you call after him. "Also, do you got any plastic wrap and, like, sticky-sided tape?"

He does. You busy yourself trying to stick the plastic to the crack. It is, of course, super wet and won't stick worth a damn, and also your shoulders hurt and you're damp and goddamn are you pale for that asshole, and you don't get how he won't see that 'cause when he offers you an overturned pail to use as a stepladder you don't even bean him with it a little.

You're about to point out that feat of generosity when the front door clicks open, even though Deyvid is right beside you. Motherfuck. Okay no, time to shut your trap and give up.

You give making the plastic stick a last try for the road, and then you lower your sore arms and turn around and holy shit there are _two_ people pressing at the door of Deyv's tiny as fuck ablutionblock, penning you in.

And the both of you still surrounded by buckets.

You're sure you've seen pornos like this.

Shit. Deyv's moirail is staring straight at you. You can't see his eyes behind his brown lenses but you know he is, and you also know without proof, but bone-deep anyway that he knows exactly how fluttery you were to be alone with his palebro. You are so, so dead. You freeze for so long that it takes you at least ten fucking seconds to notice the sign on the girl next to him is _teal_.

It's... not super high, but higher than you thought Deyvid was comfortable with.

"Sup, Kroker," he says, entirely at ease with being backed into a tiny block.

"--Yes, hello, Deyv'. We didn't know you had company."

He shrugs. "Downstairs neighbor. Owner of a kitchen I'm apparently transforming into an aquarium."

You briefly wonder if she and Deyv' met each other at a sweet horns pageant, because goddamn, those are gorgeously symmetrical curves, she's gonna have herself a right Condescension rack in a few dozen sweeps.

Anyway she's super classy, because she makes zero mention of the pails at all, you'd almost think they went invisible.

"Uh yeah, I..." You watch the way Deyv's shoulders loosen a little bit, watching them, and you think, yeah, okay, they're totally crew. Maybe she's his palebro's matesprit? Recent thing. Could be. "Was wondering if he'd drowned in the water-catching basin and was blocking the drain, you know how he is, it was totally likely."

... Oh hell. Yeah, keep going about how he needs a keeper, self, that is an awesome life decision. Especially for shortening purposes.

"Oi, oi," Deyv' protests mildly. His moirail says nothing. You are even more terrified.

"How 'bout we stop crowding the lady," he says eventually, and takes a precise step backward, offering you juuust enough of a way out, if you're willing to turn your shoulders to keep from bumping into him (might well be your last mistake. It doesn't matter jack that he's barely taller than Deyv and reaches _maybe_ your chin, he pings you as the type where you'd be dead before you hit the ground.)

The teal chick blinks and moves much farther out of the way. "Oh, right, my apologies. By the way, I realize it's utterly pointless to expect Deyv' to be polite and do the introductions, so... My name is Jaihin Kroker. It's nice to meet you."

She doesn't offer a hand, but for a second she twitches like she was going to. Wow, _super_ polite.

"Uh, yeah." You follow her outside and into the leisure block. "I'm Hadlei Lakail."

Wow is it a relief to be away from the lovebirds. Especially the mean one.

"Those are some impressive scars. Might I ask what...?"

Um. Maybe she's an ashenmate instead, no one would flirt flush around their flushmate, right? Unless it's a trap she's making for you so Deyv's moirail has an excuse to off you, since he didn't see you pale-hit on him firsthand. Haha. Okay, you're just being paranoid now, it's not that big a deal. Your scars _are_ sweet.

"Howlbeasts, and this one's a purple ripperwasp. I work at the local duel pits, with the wild beasts, you know."

Her face shows that she's got zero clue what you're on about, but she doesn't say so, she just nods. "I see. That sounds like fascinating work, if rather dangerous."

"Eh, I like it okay. The pay's good."

Welp. Okay, how do you keep a pointless conversation going. Aaawkward. You look around the room, nudging a game grub back toward the gaming corner absently, and try to find a topic of conversation. Maybe you should just fucking walk out already, they've got it under control.

"Well! I suspect the cake will still make good-sized slices even cut in four instead of three."

"Every time I blink my slice seems to get smaller, Kroker, my heart is in goddamn pieces here," Deyv's moirail drawls from the ablution block.

"Would you condemn Deyv' to hunger and jealousy as we eat in front of him?" she says, prim and proper, as she opens her backpack and sets on the low table ... wow, that is a delicious-looking cake. Do you really rate  a slice? Wow. Yes.

A pause, and then Deyv's moirail goes "Yep."

As the boys start bantering (argh stop being cute) she offers you a slice on a paper napkin. It smells so good you can't believe it. So not fresh-from-the-package industrial shit, wow, you think there might be _real_ eggs in this.

"Oh, fuck you, bro. Jai'n," Deyv calls out, "you're now my favorite."

"Are you really hitting on my diamond girlfriend, while you're standing under a heavy as shit water tank _I'm_ repairing. Does that sound like a smart life choice to you."

Half the cake slice goes back out your food chute in the form of a fine spray.

"Wait wait _what_?"

Jaihin stares at you, nonplussed and dubious; you rein yourself in, you don't know what she uses as a weapon for sure but there's a real nice culling fork propped up against the wall by the front door and you're pretty sure both the miracle moirails favor swords.

... the miracle m...

"You're Deakka's _moirail_?" you ask, trying not to boggle too much.

"One might say so, yes," she replies dryly, and arches an eyebrow in unimpressed skepticism. You wince a little, even though the girl is like one sweep younger and over a whole head smaller than you.

"But you -- but."

Deyv' has come back out of the ablution block, and he and Deakka stare at you in silent unison, shades blank and faces perfectly mirrored.

You just fucking stare back, because holy shit, _what_.

"When the _hell_ did you two break up." You realize you're gesturing with your cake, and bits break off and fall on the floor which is a shameful waste, but you can't stop yourself, full rant ahead, holy _shit_. "Like -- no, but seriously, Deyv', what the fuck, it was like -- serendipity or something, you were so -- and now you're -- and she's just here and it's all fine? I don't, whoa. When the hell did that even happen, man, I know we don't really chat much but --"

Deyv' and Deakka stare at each other, and then at you, and then they go "We were together?" like fucking mirror images. Deyv's elbow is on Deakka's shoulder.

Holy shit. You, uh. Need a moment there.

"... So you're _not_...?"

Deyv' grimaces. "No offense, bro -- but hearing _dating_ and _Deakka_ in the same sentence kind of gives me a rash of do not want. I'm gonna start scratching hard enough to take off all my skin and I'll still be feeling dirty -- ow, asshole."

"Stop flattering me," Deakka deadpans. "I'll blush. It'll be a terrible deluge of kawaii sparkles and sakura petals. There will be no survivors."

"But I thought--" You kind of want to start pacing. No, must keep cool. No freaking out in your cute neighbor's hive, that just, that's way too intense a come-on.

Holy shit you might actually have a _chance_.

... You're leaving the planet pretty soon, relatively. But. Well. Nothing says it has to be serendipity straight away, and you pity him quite a bit, he's fucking adorable, and. Well. Maybe, if he's got no other prospects...

"Wow. Here I thought you worked so well together."

You let the teal chick nudge you into sitting down and eating some more cake. You need time to process, okay.

Deyv's moir -- _Deakka_ shrugs. "We don't actually curb each other's behavior worth shit."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, man, we're champion goaders. It's like a permanent one-upmanship championship of assholes. You, uh. It really looked like we were _dating_? Wow. Gross. I mean seriously, whenever I faceplant -- not that I ever do, I'm way too cool and composed for that shit, but let's talk theory there -- he's the first one to laugh in my face, I swear."

"But only when it's not serious!" teal chick corrects him. "When it's serious I've found you are quite quick to have each other's back."

... Okay what in quadrant-smearing hell was that. It didn't sound jealous at all, kind of _reassuring_ even. Whaaat?

You shut your word trap around some more cake and don't say anything. You do that all the time, talk too much and it lands you in deep shit (that's one thing you recognize _so_ well in Deyvid it's uncanny.)

Everyone sits around the low table and munches. It's oddly companionable. Wow, they're acting almost like you're all _crew_ , even though it twinges down your spine with almost-stranger and not-my-territory. It's kind of nice anyway, even if it's as reassuring as sitting down for tea with a distracted cholerbear.

Then again they can afford it, there's three of them and one of you.

"So, uh." Okay, Hadlei, be strong. Be strong and above all, _sound casual_. "You single then? Diamondwise."

Deyv' turns his shades to you and says nothing for so long you start feeling the awkward rocket back up, and it hadn't gone down all that low in the first place.

"It's not you it's me, I'm just not ready for commitment, you understand--"

"Deyv'!" Jaihin snaps. "Don't be an asshole!"

You are _mortified_. You steel your spine, unclench your fists a little before your claws dig in and they notice the smell of blood.

Deakka slaps Deyv' upside the head.

"Ow. What? It was just a joke, jegus, what's wrong with you guys."

Deakka and Jaihin exchange the kind of longsuffering look you usually see on moirails of thirty sweeps in movies. Oh. Okay, yeah, you. You think you can see it a bit. It's so weird, after thinking of him and Deyvid as quadranted for so long, childhood sweethearts, a perfect pair. You almost want to berate him for cheating, wow, rein your conciliatory pings in before someone beats them in for you, girl, they're slopping out all over the place.

"Deyv' is... it's complicated," Jaihin informs you cautiously.

"It's not, I'm single as fuck in that quadrant. All the quadrants actually. Quadrants are just too stupid to deal with. I say fuck that noise, let me be free to toss my mane in the wind and gallop away as I choose."

Oh. Oh, wow, poor guy. He better hurry up, he's what, eight sweeps? Ascension's getting way close, wow, now you're a bit worried for him.

"Yeah? What about Rrhoze?"

Huh?

He splutters. Wow. " _What_ about Rrhoze?! We're -- shit, you know what we are and it's nothing like that, what the heck, dude, just because you're happily ali-- trollfully shacked up, don't push it onto the rest of us."

"I think for the purpose of this conversation," Jaihin says firmly, cutting her moirail off before he can say anything (and miracle, he actually stays quiet, wow. Huh.) "For the purpose of this conversation, we just need to consider Rrhoze's reaction to an outsider being interested in you that way, Deyv'."

He winces. "Just because she's gotten a bit _touchy_ recently... fucken troll puberty."

"Hmm?" she prompts him, noncommittal. Deyv' _fidgets_. Not a lot, but on him it's pretty obvious that that's what it is.

"So a friendly bro might have, like, patted her face in totally salacious ways a couple times. It was purely out of self-defense, your Honor. I mean she was starting to leak 'voodoos all over the place and that shit feels really gross, it's like rolling your brain in raw sewage that's also full of razors and juggalos, I swear. We didn't go all the way and have, like, a feelings jam on top of her ex-neighbor's corpse or anything. My diamond is still pure for pale-marriage, I promise."

... Huh. Huh.

"So, that... Rrhoze... She's...?"

"Violetblood," Deakka informs you, guessing what you wanted to ask somehow. The guy really is uncanny. Brr.

Violetblood. Shit. Deyvid the Rust Pride guy, Man, Fuck the Highbloods, Seriously, has a maybe-thing (hah!) with a fucking _fish troll_.

It's both unexpected and disappointing somehow. Both in that you are not crossing any troll with chucklevoodoos, so he's landing straight back into Do Not Go There territory, and in that he was so... he never looked impressed in any way by higher castes, but now he's dating one, and what the fuck does that mean?

You're being unfair, maybe she's not big on caste either, maybe she's cool.

From where you're sitting it sounds like a classical poor-lowblood-is-so-fucking-grateful-they-get-to-handle-some-important-assole's-tantrums moirallegiance, though.

He's still denying it's a thing, though. You think about trying to -- maybe you -- if you, like. Courted him. Properly. Openly. Not just being the neighbor with the wrench and the saw ready to lend. Maybe he'd choose you?

Do you really want to invest so much of yourself in this, when you're leaving in not even half a sweep, when he's never seemed to _notice_?

Do you want to make an enemy of this Rrhoze? Highbloods keep grudges long as their lifespans, and yours ain't hardly gonna be lasting that long.

"Well. Thanks for the cake, it was super tasty. I gotta go check on mom, though, kinda not smart to leave her alone that long."

Deyvid doesn't even walk you back to the door to make sure you leave and don't break or take anything, just waves carelessly. Deakka is the one who follows you. (How are they not moirails, again?!)

"He's really not the way you imagined him," he says, and you don't even know if it's a 'back off' or commiseration, maybe something in between.

It's annoying either way. "Eh, I dunno, some parts were pretty much exactly how I thought."

You turn to look at him, standing on Deyv's doorstep. Behind him, on the couch, his moirail and his how-is-he-not-your-moirail are squabbling; he wants to eat the last piece, she won't let him, it'd be bad for him, no, stop.

You think maybe they're a threesome, maybe they swing, maybe some secret arrangement that means there is no space for you, there never was.

"See you later, maybe," Deakka says, and closes the door gently and firmly in your face.

You turn and walk away. Yeah, maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hadlei Lakail, yellowblood, female, very tall and raw-boned, scars everywhere, nine sweeps old, frogmom, no psychic powers. Sign: [Octans](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octans). (Its name is Latin for the eighth part of a circle, but it is named after the octant, a navigational instrument. Octans was created by Nicolas Louis de Lacaille in 1752 out of faint circumpolar stars. Originally, it was known as "Octans Hadleianus" in honor of the octant's inventor, John Hadley, who devised it in 1730.)


	2. 2 - Telescopium

People say lusii tend to be dumb. They don't have a prairiedogdad! Yours likes to keep up a constant stream of observations on his surroundings, and with how detailed they are you're gonna be awesome as a field communications officer; it'll be a cinch to master the, what, thirty signals in frequent use? Hehe.

This one signal, though, and the alert interest in it -- something unusual has just happened north of your house. Oh _ho_.

You bark back to your Dad, a noise you told Luelyr next door was an "aw c'mon, calm down, it's not worth freaking out."

It's actually "Message received; go in stealth mode for further observations." He yips back an "Acknowledged!" and you take a handful of seconds to shiver all over in delight before sneaking to the nearest North-facing window.

 _Green bulldog-stalk female, purple snake-crane-walk male_ , Dad said earlier. _Purple_. Not a _violet_ , no, but the next best thing. (Actually, fish trolls in your neighborhood would likely prompt you to call for a retreat, sight unseen. Mneep, fish trolls.)

You get to your post just in time to see them crossing straight into a lawnring and _knocking on the door_.

You fumble for your binoculars.

Your neighbor comes out. He's looking scowly, hostile, surprised. He has a sickle in hand, as is only smart, but against two people maybe he shouldn't have opened at all. Ohhhoho. He sees them and -- damn, the tall guy (Dad was right, that one's a _rubber skeleton_ ) blocks your view with his surprisingly wide back. Is there going to be blood...???

Instead you see a hand gesticulating widely in the gaps, and the girl gesticulates right back, and then she shoulders past him to get inside.

And then she gets back out to yank the purple guy in by the wrist. He almost catches his horns on the door plinth. Your neighbor is left alone on his doorstep, staring in disbelief.

The way his mouth moves, you're pretty sure he's swearing, but that really wasn't a risky guess.

\-- blitheSpy [BS] started trolling saffronBisque [SB] -- 

BS: harias harias harias  
BS: hi hell>o< hi  
BS: y>o<u'll never guess what!!!  
SB: Hi hoN.  
BS: >o<mg harigrub  
BS: sweetie  
BS: magg>o<cutie  
BS: GUESS.  
SB: PfffF.  
SB: OkaY. Three trieS?  
SB: You got your new zoom lens delivereD.  
BS: WR>O<NG WR>O<NG WR>O<>O<>O<>O<NG!  
BS: remember my neighb>o<r?  
SB: You have twenty of theM.  
SB: Where's the rest of my guesseS?  
BS: N>O< TIME F>O<R Y>O<UR WR>O<NGNESS.  
BS: but >o<kay y>o<u can guess which neighb>o<r i mean  
SB: Three questionS.  
BS: kay <3<3<3  
SB: Live lusus or dead lusuS.  
BS: dead!!  
SB: Vulpecula chicK? WhatshernamE. MililI?  
BS: n>o<pe  
SB: Pap or slaP.  
BS: pap!!  
SB: AzrutH.  
BS: WR>O<NG.  
SB: Cancer or perseuS.  
SB: HoN?  
BS: wh>o<>o<ps s>o<rry i had t>o< keep an eye >o<n DEVEL>O<PMENTS.  
BS: bluh yeah >o<k cancer  
SB: Your other cancer neighbor still has her lusus righT?  
SB: Also she lives way far and out of line of sighT.  
SB: VantaS.  
SB: Three questionS. WiN.  
BS: pffffff n>o< >o<ne was still thinking ab>o<ut that game  
BS: HE HAS PE>O<PLE >O<VER.  
SB: HuH.  
BS: THIS IS T>O<TALLY SURPRISING!!!  
SB: I am totally surpriseD.  
BS: liaaaarrrr. </3

You get a handheld typing device and wander casually out of your backdoor on the East side of the hive -- there's a little shack there holding things like watering devices and pruning shears. You get the shears and start shearing, in careful little snips that won't actually affect the visibility into your own ground floor windows. You make sure to take your time, not to look like you're rushing anywhere. (You've got a nice view from here already.)

When you're outside, without walls or windows in the way...

BS: harias >o<h my little h>o<rr>o<rterr>o<rs harias  
BS: >o<ne >o<f his wind>o<ws is >o<pen  
BS: s>o< much yelling  
SB: HahA.  
SB: Thought that was business as usual with that onE.  
SB: Unless i'm remembering them wronG.  
BS: n>o< n>o< that's EXACTLY right.  
SB: UnderstandablE?  
BS: the yelling? n>o<t quite just a few w>o<rds here and there but W>O<W  
BS: i have DEDUCTI>O<NS already  
BS: hariaaaaaaaaaaaasss  
SB: Okay finE. This is me askinG.  
BS: i have deduced............  
BS: iiiiii have deduceeeeeeeed...  
SB: They're creW.  
BS: DAMN IT.  
BS: H>O<W DID Y>O<U EVEN???  
SB: They walked iN. Guy didn't run away like if home invasioN.  
SB: Knew each otheR.  
SB: Olive girl in charge not purple guY. Points to a social call not businesS.  
SB: Arguing yeS. But you'd tell me if at murderous ragegasm leveL.

You pout a little as you trim the rust blooms off your tanglethorns bush. Harias is totally not psychic, and she's not even here to hear the pitch of your neighbor's screaming. This is super unfair.

BS: ...  
SB: HM?  
BS: sp>o<ngedead shittard  
SB: WhaT.  
BS: rainb>o<w spray >o<f h>o<>o<fbeastshit v>o<mited up y>o<ur abh>o<rrent facial h>o<les  
SB: PffffF.  
BS: almighty cretin>o<us dunderfuckery blah blah stuffing her n>o<>o<k with the thicker end >o<f her pretenti>o<us rifle blah blah play a merry tune >o<n the flute with her assh>o<le t>o< twirl t>o<  
SB: AhahahahA. 

A last burst of screams -- all your neighbor's voice, man, that dude can out-yell anybody you know -- and then...

" _IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT MY NOOK I'M GOING TO CHOKE YOUR DUMB FACE WITH IT!_ "

A pause. Your eyes have gone wide.

" _IN A REALLY NOT SEXY WAY!_ "

Dead silence. You try not to giggle. You haven't seen your neighbor's face twisted in shock much, mostly in suspicion, startled nerves, weary resentment, and furiously desperate territorial displays -- goddamn but you think at least three of your other neighbors have also entertained thoughts of papping him down in the last half-sweep alone -- but you can bet that's the one he's making right now.

You're pretty entirely sure that was the olive girl's voice. Pretty entirely completely sure, because the purple guy seemed way reluctant to be there and also his chest looks wide enough to be at least six octaves lower. So.

Your dad scuttles by. You pet his little head, ruffle his cute round ears. You bark. _Danger-to-neighbor-not-crew still?_

 _Purple-snake-crane is **snake and crane** ,_ Dad barks back for a _duh_ , and thumps his foot in emphasis. Okay, okay.

"I'll stay in the garden," you promise, soothing, and you let him have one of the flowers. They're poisonous to a lot of animals, but your dad doesn't care about a little thing like that. Heheh.

They're still arguing in there, but too quiet for you to hear anything. One or two times a low bass buzzes through, and you almost feel it in your horns more than you hear it with your ears, which pings in your _oh holy crap displeased highblood run away_ gland, but you are not a slave to your instincts and also he's still inside the house and there's a secret passage emerging in the compost heap five steps over, you'll be fine.

You take the occasion to make your bushes pretty and your snapflowers free of bothersome leaves that might get in their teeth and stop them clamping down. Also to chat about your next date with Harias. You guys haven't met in meatspace yet, but soon, you think. She's just such a gorgeous little tank on her pictures, you want to kiss her face all over and feel up that adorbs little paunch, it looks like the comfiest thing.

Vantas's front door opens, and the oliveblood girl waltzes out, skirt swinging happily and everything. You can still hear occasional shouting in there. Huh. You track her from the corner of your eye as she drifts around the lawn, looking down at it and zigzagging weirdly, and it takes you a minute before you realize she's counting steps. To measure... huh, you're not sure what.

She's drifting toward your hive. You casually move closer to the escape tunnel, which also just happens to be a tad closer to the closest path between your lawnring's boundaries and his.

BS: suspect number >o<ne appr>o<aching >o<perative's l>o<cati>o<n i repeat suspect number >o<ne appr>o<aching >o<perative's l>o<cati>o<n  
SB: Which one is number onE?  
BS: >o<live!! because the >o<ther dude is big like tw>o< of her ;D  
SB: GroaN. <3  
BS: <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

She looks straight at you, face turning to scan you straight on.

BS: !! 

She raises her hand and _waves_. Is she _grinning_?

SB: ??  
BS: ... huh  
SB: HM? 

You wave back, and smile, mouth closed. Huh, you've got the same kind of shearing front teeth she's got, only she doesn't have any visible canines around them. You guess the openmouthed hi doesn't have to _be_ ominous then.

"Hey there! Are you Karkat's neighbor?"

Could still be ominous! She's not very tall but still taller than you. (Okay, everyone you know is taller than you. Neighbor used to be included, but not even any longer. Hn.) At least she stays on his lawnring. "Nope, I'm a horticultuninja." You grin, harmless as possible.

"That explains everything!" she replies with an attempt at seriousness, but then she giggles.

You wonder if she's one of the greenies lucky enough to be psychic, or if she's just that badass somehow. Then again, purple buddy. Then again, _again_ , some people with blue as a dominant in their hemochrome are probably not assholes? It would only make sense, like, statistically speaking. You'd have to ask Harias if she or her clade knows any.

She's still looking you over. Your dad has started circling maneuvers underground. You tilt your head, disarmingly frank. "Yeah, what is it?"

"Oh, nothing. You've got the same sign as my -- uh, neighbor," she replies, and shrugs. "My name's Jeydhe."

Or, huh, you _think_ Jeydhe. You're pretty sure it wasn't Jey _dd_ e, the consonant wasn't tapped enough, but maybe it was Jaidhe instead. Hmmm. "Ershey Metius!" Telescopium is hardly one of the rarest signs. She must not see a ton of people. "You're Lupus, right? I don't think I've ever met one of you guys."

This is the weirdest small talk, but she's the one who brought it up. It's weird to see her flounder. It's weird and _interesting_.

"Looks like," she finally says, fingers twisting the hem of her skirt. "I've never met another one, but then again I live in the middle of nowhere."

And then whoops what do you say next, umm. You're good at observing from afar and at chatting on the internet where it's safe, but.

Things could get uncomfortable, but then, " _\--Don't know why the fuck I'm still standing here like a douche in my own living block listening to you say jack fucking shit of worth and content--_ "

" _I'M MOTHERFUCKING SORRY, AIGHT?_ "

You go tense. That was some nicely resonant Highblood snarling, wow, the movies did not prepare you to the notes the undergrowl would reach.

Jeydhe _relaxes_. "Oh thank God."

"Um?"

"I thought I was gonna have to go back in and yell at them again. Say, what kind of soil is this? Because I think Karkat could do with a pretty tree or a climbing vine, but not if it's going to die in a month."

You spend the next ten minutes talking at length about soil and moonlights. Jeydhe seems pretty knowledgeable, but about a totally different ecosystem! She didn't even account for sun resistance, must be nice to grow things in a forest with full coverage.

BS: Y>O<U WERE RIGHT T>O<TALLY CREW  
BS: n>o<w the questi>o<n bec>o<mes which quadrant but i'm getting an idea...  
BS: N>O< GUESSING AHEAD THAT IS N>O<T FUNNY.  
SB: HahaH. 

"So, uh. Planning to be here a lot to take care of his trees? Because Vantas is pretty dutiful about his lawn, I mean he'll water it like clockwork, but the one tree that was there from the start kind of, you know, died."

She nods absently, measuring the yard with her eyes. "Oh yeah, of course, I mean, being friends over the internet is fine but doing the quadrant thing is a bit more --"

"A _ha_."

Oh uh. You said that out loud. Um. Meep.

She stares at you for a second and you cringe, and then she snorts and shakes her head, trying and failing not to smile. You grin harmless as possible and ruffle the short hair at the back of your head. "Sorry, it's just. He hasn't gotten a lot of visitors!"

"I'm not surprised," Jeydhe replies, rolling her eyes. "He's kind of a huge asshole! I mean, he does have his good sides when you get to know him, but that doesn't make the asshole stop being there, you know?"

You nod dumbly. You feel pretty dumb. You're not employing any incisive journalisneak techniques here, you're being clumsy and nosy and it's mere luck that she just happens to feel like babbling.

"You been together long?" you ask, snipping flowers off accidentally and pretending you meant to and you're way more interested in the bush than in her, yeah, totally.

"--Oh, me and -- heh." She crouches, hugging her knees with an arm, to poke at the ground, tear out some grass, check for sandiness or rocks maybe. "Not very? Like, a few days, and if what I'm hearing from their yelling means anything, I guess I'll be single again tomorrow. Bluh," she adds, but then she giggles.

"Uh. Were they too much of a pain to auspisticize or ...?" you venture. (You're pretty sure you're right but...)

"Oh, no, it was easy!" (You were!) "It's just that I promised Gamzee I'd only put my nose in it until they were pale again." She rolls her eyes. "Karkat was all like, no! That's not what the quadrant is for! But that was a case of really not protesting half as much as he could have."

You hum and nod distractedly. Huh, you see. (You don't see.)

BS: HARIAS THE PURPLEBL>O<>O<D IS VANTAS'S PALEMATE??;!?!?,??!!!!????  
SB: Ok did not see that cominG.  
SB: It's kindA. Who the heck is the pappeE.  
BS: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;! 

"Yeah, pale-pitch flips are... Kinda hells of weird." You nod sagely. "Not as weird as flush-ashen but still really weird."

She yanks a sod of turf out, making a hole in the lawn. Vantas will be pissed. You hope he doesn't accuse your dad again, that might not end well. "Well, I don't know if either of them ever wanted to kiss or anything! But they were just going to sit on their butts and mope and be bitter in their corners, and just... let it go. Nope!"

... huh.

BS: this w>o<man is a DEVIANT.  
BS: i like her! :D

"I kinda see why, considering how Vantas was ranting," you say, and can't help giggling.

"Bah, he really doesn't need much to set him off." She rolls her eyes again. "I mean, seriously, in most ways Gamzee is easier to deal with, and _he's_ the seven feet of creepy murdertroll that everyone tiptoes around!"

You turn to her, and give her a slow, slow blink, and you say, "You're _so ashen_ for him, wow."

She purses her lips at you, and for a little bit you're not sure if she's annoyed or thinking and you're damn glad you have the pruning shears in hand.

"For Karkat, yeah, probably. For Gamzee, not really? I mean, he's a creep, but he doesn't bother me. But I'm not super interested in knowing him either. Is that weird? I mean, being only ashen for one of them?"

Oh. God. _Did she not have a stable internet connection in her hive_. This is like the plot of half of all ashen tragedies out here. (Also of just about as many comedies.) You stare, wordless, for a bit too long -- she's wincing now looking at you, laughing all awkward, aw no, she's the best source you've ever had on--

"JEYDHE! You and the groin-busting tower of stupid are leaving."

Your neighbor is at his window, and he gives you a suspicious look when he sees you. You wave and cut more leaves and make no move to go away, because you're in your lawnring and way out of reach of a sickle throw.

"Oh, are we _really_!" she replies with a huff, and stalks to the window, shoulders squared.

You jump a little and almost drop the shears when the purple dude pops his upper body out of the window beside Vantas. (He is _way_ in his personal space. Huh. Huuuuhhh. Huhuhu.)

"Yeah, woofsis, I think we may all be up and done for now. Got to put pans and wisdom in order, get our brood on."

Vantas grumbles and looks away. His shoulder is almost touching the highblood's. Dude is _looming_ over him and he still stands straight like that's nothing much to be scared of. Wow yes, so crew. All the crew. So _quadranted_.

She sighs. You can only see the back of her head. You cautiously dodge under a little fruit tree; the purpleblood was kind of glancing your way and you are not liking that much.

"Okay, okay. Next time do you want to visit instead?"

Vantas blusters and growls under his breath, but he's looking away from the both of them awkwardly and crossing his arms and everything. It's like a billboard for "uneasy, pap me now!" for serious, you're surprised neither of them tries it.

You think maybe the purple dude was about to try for a shoulder pat -- he moves all vague and weird, it's hard to say -- but then you see Vantas notice you and he frowns. "I'll decide later. Just. Go away now."

Jeydhe heaves out a long sigh and reaches her hand out for ... Gamzee? Yeah, that was the name. Sign: Capricorn, holy crap.

He reaches his huge hand back to take hers, not bothering to get out of the window.

Then you see Vantas stumble and it takes you a second or fifteen to realize the clumsy oaf _hip-checked_ him. Hahaha, is he six sweeps? That was so not suave, wow, you think even your moves are better, and you've never met any of your quadrantmates in meatspace.

It takes you fifteen seconds, because in the meantime they've just blinked out of existence like they were never here with barely a pop.

Woooow, Jeydhe teleports. And not short distances either, or you'd be hearing her pop out in the neighborhood, and it'd be useless to travel with it -- having to pop in and out a hundred times to get anywhere would wipe out anyone. That's pretty cool! (Pretty _not smart_ , too. Welp. So far you like her, though, so you put the info on lockdown.)

"Have you rinsed your oculars enough, or should I perform a sensual strip-tease next?!" Vantas barks at you from his window.

Giggling, you throw yourself feet-first into the escape tunnel before he can start chucking things.

BS: best visit ever.  
BS: EVER.  
SB: Haha ok telL.  
SB: Nosy braT. <3

\---------------------------

\-- blitheSpy [BS] started trolling saffronBisque [SB] -- 

BS: hariaaaaaaas  
BS: hi h>o<n  
BS: guess what  
BS: vantas has visit>o<rs AGAIN.  
SB: This is starting to not even be noteworthY.  
BS: which is n>o<tew>o<rthy in itself!!!  
SB: TruE.  
SB: Graphing iT?  
BS: um DUH.  
SB: Which ones this timE.  
BS: teal libra chick & rust scutum dude  
BS: y>o<u kn>o<w the >o<ne with the h>o<rns  
BS: the RUST >o<ne with the h>o<rns  
BS: h>o<w d>o<es he even kn>o<w s>o< many peeps with sweet and >o<r HUGE headgear f>o<r srs. :X mine are all scraggly  
SB: Yours have characteR.  
BS: >o<ne >o<f his crew has F>O<UR >O<F THEM.  
SB: Ok yeS. You losE. <3  
BS: >_> </3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ershey Metius: oliveblood, male, small and thin, fast. Prairie-dog dad. Likes gossipping and spying and racing his bike on bumpy as hell terrain and carnivorous plants. Sign: Telescopium. Telescopium happens to also be troll!Jake's sign. (there's a limited number of 'em!) [BS] - blitheSpy.
> 
> Harias Senjan: yellowblood, female, squat and muscled. Likes cooking, mental agility games, and repairing motorbikes. [SB] - saffronBisque. (yeah, her screen name is basically yellowYellow. i tried to find a better one later but this one sounds so pretty...) She has no designated sign at the time.
> 
> \--  
> [Gamzee and Karkat fallout.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1163615)


	3. Ursa Major - Four Sweeps In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happens a sweep or so after the Terezi one.

\-- haughtyChimes [HC] started trolling gelidTrawl [GT] --

HC: So. What is She like?  
GT: lol who?  
HC: Oh, don't even!  
HC: Your newest... Transfer student.  
HC: You've had three classes now with Her, haven't You, cinderling.  
GT: oh yes that one!  
GT: completely weird. really fucked up. girls got the mind of a randy horrorterror.  
HC: What are You sAYING, Alioth!  
GT: then again those inbetweeners are goddamn creepy amirite.  
HC: You can't talk about the hEIRESS that way!  
HC: Wait. What.  
GT: well shes def my weirdest transfer student. love the way her voodoos feel tho.  
HC: Who are You even talking about?  
GT: oh did u mean the other one? i guess shes also weird but more like boohoo why am i even in this class i want to mess with computers not people and learning about the history of crowd panics and how to shape a good rumor is so depressing bluh bluh.  
HC: Alioth.  
GT: hahaha.  
GT: did u mean the DUDE one...?  
HC: Alioth iSBJORN.  
GT: ok yeah the heiress.  
GT: shes actually p cheerful non-hostile and listens well so i stand by my first assessment of completely weird n really fucked up.  
HC: I will be so relieved when You are culled and out of My hair. c3<

You snicker, and don't bother to hide it behind your hand or your hand-held computing device. It's not loud, but the classroom is quiet; it's not discreet. From the corner of your eye you can see a few of your students sneaking you look -- worried, only two; considering, a few more; and disdainful... Hey, they'll know better soon.

The Heiress, sitting right at the center of the room, does not look up from her test, but she fiddles with a lock of her hair and swings her feet, humming in interest at whatever it is she's reading. (The spy program on the school-issued devices say she's at the section that touches upon the best two ways to aim a riot.) The seadweller girl with all the curls is one of the two looking worried; the seadweller with the blood-lock and the pissy face sneers discreetly at you; and the girl sitting between the guy and the heiress flicks her stunted fins and ticks off another item on her computer device, looking very studious and completely fascinated, but you can feel her 'voodoos in the air, sorta turned your way.

They feel like being lost in the dark, and the walls and the floor so soft, so damp that even horn sense won't pick up anything solid to put your feet on. It's a subtle effect, and most seadwellers will be immune enough not to notice it, but you wonder what it's like at full power. It should be pretty funny.

You wonder if she would think so, too. If she's sister enough for that, or if she'd sneer and puff herself up above you instead, because she has these tiny brineguzzling piss-slits after all.

The heiress looks up, sees you looking, and smiles; her dark pink eyes crinkle. It's so weird how you can see her Imperious Condescension all over her face but only so long as she's expressionless. She's rounder-cheeked still, even though at twelve sweeps she's an adult by now; rounder-bodied too, though her shoulders are strong and you'd have heard at length from that little bitch Xiphas if she proved unsuitable or unremarkable in combat.

It's funny to see the class move around her, though -- breathe out when she smiles and shift in their seats when she frowns -- usually at her texts. You are taking so many notes, holy shit, ain't every century you get an occasion to study blood dynamics in fish trolls. The Heiress has been getting polite overtures -- through her other finned crewmates, mostly -- but you know most of those are little shits who either want to die young in glory -- even when they don't know that's what they're chasing yet -- or who, mostly, want the good rumors and the stories for later, after Her Condescension has culled her summarily.

GT: is it true shes got pissbloods and rusties in her crew?  
HC: She has eVERY sINGLE cOLOR in her crew, some twice.  
HC: And You didn't hear it from Me but Her registered matesprit is a yellowblood.  
GT: holy shit thats amazing. praised be the messiahs i stand corrected of my most grievous mistake. its going to be globefucking titsup hilarious.

You know you'll be flagged yourself if you review certain student files too much, but all in one it's less the Heiress that interests you than her middle leaf.

Test over, you glance at the results for any outliers. Curly girl is gonna be in trouble with her replies -- you can feel the reluctance and confusion even in her best lies, and she doesn't lie half enough. Maybe a good thing she has been studying to go into tech and not command, but the Heiress ain't gonna go far dragging this kind of dead weight.

Meanwhile her other leaf is half again too ruthless and has zero finesse to speak of. Gonna be fun modulating that.

You watch as the Heiress and the inbetweener lean their heads together, chuckle quietly -- let them get away with it for a second, and then click your tongue. "Lalond -- Peixes." 

Your heart always kicks a bit, using that hatchname. But you make it a point in your classes not to defer to your own goddamn students, no matter that most of them think one blood class and some fish bulges mean more than centuries of first-hand experience and academic studies on the subject matter.

"Instructormentor?" Lalond returns gently, head tilted in polite, fake interest. You still don't know if it's contempt for you or generalized sarcasm. You've been noticing the thing where other members of her crew try to reply for the Heiress if someone dares to give the gentlest criticism, though. You know the History of Conquest teacher thinks it's timidity and the rest of them arrogance, but you're leaning toward her not wanting to even seem to argue with her teachers and -- for now -- hierarchical superiors. You're still collecting data on her end goal for that. Curry favor? Politeness? She's been off-planet for three sweeps by now, surely she knows how to handle adults of lower classes...

... You kinda want to prod a little. You have _awesome_ ratings, or you wouldn't even have your job. May as well use them. "Reminder that if your answers are similar that's going to be an issue for your grades," you reply with a genial smile. "And if you girls are just flirting, well, that's not fair to the rest of the class."

"All our apologies," the Heiress says in an easy, lilting voice, a smile on her face. 

"Yes, very sorry," Lalond says, mock-somber. You wave it off and they bow their heads over their tablets again; you pretend not to see the boy with the blood lock muttering something across Lalond to the Heiress. Hm. Inconclusive.

Then your own reading device gives a quiet beep. 

There's a message from Lalond, in that too-bright purple that she likes to use. 

We will make sure to flirt with the rest of the class next time, ma'am. I am not sure of the etiquette, though, should the teacher be included in such a collective event? Your experience in such matters would prove invaluable and I assure you I'm at your entire and complete disposition should you want to expound on the theory outside of class.  
Rrhoze Lalond

When you glance up she's looking demurely down at her device, but her lips are curved up and her 'voodoos shiver through the room like quiet laughter in an abandoned house. 

GT: the GLOBES on that girl. fuckin unreal ahahahahaha.  
GT: i just got hit on by the heiresss middle leaf omg.  
HC: Oh damn. dON'T answer.  
GT: hey it aint my first time teaching a class ok.  
GT: she is def a stealth sister tho. all with the laughing at ppl and pulling a long con on her fishy respectability.  
HC: I amend: do not fuck the student aND do not laugh with the student.  
GT: hmm idk......  
GT: do u fuss at xiphas when he gets hit on too or am i ur bulgeblocking favorite?  
HC: Oh, do shut up, I'm Your quadrant, I'm allowed to be concerned. This could be entrapment.  
GT: hey who is it who sends emails all day about loadgaper cleaning products and office supplies and who is it who teaches a class about manipulating ppl again? c3<

You shoot Lalond a reply anyway. Im sure ur a smart girl and can learn it from being corrected in public enough, Ive found the application of some peer pressure works way better for the longterm than any number of boring teacherly speeches. This is a special trick Im sharing with you & will be worth some bonus points in ur next test. Cheers!

She snorts when she reads it, and it's not genteel or elegant at all. Yeah, okay, you like her. 

You're going to be _merciless_.

You're still smirking to yourself when the door bursts open.

You do mean burst. It's supposed to slide sideways into the wall and instead the whole frame flies off and crashes on the floor and a dozen jackbooted thugs swarm in. You dive under your desk, 'voodoos crackling high and sharp, snatch up your nunchucks, roll out,and then some huge blueblood has you by the throat and is flattening you against the wall with her shield. 

For a second you seriously consider frying her brain, but you wouldn't manage to drop her before she crushed your throat in.

You go still, calculated, and you feel her neatly trimmed claws ease off just a tad. Okay. Okay, murder probably not happening; you can stay still, no problem.

Over her shoulder you can still see part of the classroom. The students are also being shoved back, only in the middle the Heiress already has her double-ended trident out and ready -- she has kicked the whole table row into someone's face, cleared a wide space to fight in, and her crew is bracketing her with all their weapons out. Her middle leaf is pressed against her back, one stiletto in each hand, in case a student takes a potshot in the confusion, and both Curly and Blood Lock have phaser rifles up and aimed at the crowd.

Those are _not_ the kind of firepower a riot shield is gonna block. Phwoar.

"Your Haughtiness," one of the men attempts, "We must insist you follow us--"

"You tried to separate me from my crew," the Heiress snaps, and her voice ring clear and loud over the crowd. She really is pretty tall, for a girl her age, but the guards have the advantage of -- at a minimum -- fifty sweeps of growth. She doesn't seem to notice. "What excuse do you have for that?"

"Your Haughtiness, it is of the utmost importance--"

Lalond and whatshisname, Ampora snort in tandem.

"I do not accept your entire lake of excuses," the Heiress says, and tosses her head in challenge, horns swept back as if to say, try to go for my throat, see what that gets you. "You're going to be clear and tell me what's going on first, or you're going to be dragged off in a net for the fishes."

The way the man fidgets, panicked behind his big armor and ridiculous sickles, you're pretty sure he's not the one in charge of this little debacle -- he's just the one tasked to put it in practice. 

You're still not sure what's going on. Attempted coup? Attempted foiling of a coup? Not enough data there to see but the fact that they haven't gassed the whole room and picked her up means they still want some legitimacy after this, oh, we were trying to help really brosis I swear. You knew stuff like that was guaranteed to happen -- you heard from that asshole Xiphas that it used to happen pretty regularly in her first sweep, and the first ones were pretty bloody, if too hasty to be well-planned. 

"Your Haughtiness--"

"Either talk or _move_ ," Ampora says with a sneer.

They stay locked in their stand-off for another few second and then Curly -- Rokshi Alonde -- says "Prince and Mage are ready to go when we are!" and they all shift their weight, grinning much too eagerly.

" _Wait_."

An older fin-faced asshole passes the door, not even in armor and his hand pointedly off the -- _shit_ , it's the Kingfish Anchorer.

Lord Protector of the Educational Fleet, Shield of the Empire's Core, Ruin of Rioteers, Kingfish Anchorer.

He should maybe be a little less impressive than the goddamn Heiress, but all things considered what has the Heiress done in her life so far, compared? Not very fucking much. Yeah, you're impressed.

The crowd parts for him and his dulling, cracked horns, his sagging face. 

He goes on one knee and says, "Your Condescension."

\--

\--  GelidTrawl [GT] opened memo "smoking a bowl of leaves" on board "yo my fine quads keep me company before i go supaa ninjette on them fucking walls" --

\-- ToledoDominion [TD] joined memo --

GT: haha fucking eager aint we.  
TD: FUCK. OFF.  
TD: What? Is? Your? Status.  
GT: jesus tone down the quirk. you always pull that shit when you get pissy its fucking unreadable. were not adolescents anymore bro were in the fucking fleet youve been talked to about readability.  
TD: Tone! Down! The! Language.  
TD: Also. Fuck off.  
TD: Conclude. That you are fine.  
GT: im not fine im bored as a clown at a board meeting.  
TD: Extra!! Fine!! Then.  
GT: fuuuuuck offfffffff.  
TD: You. First.  
GT: its my motherfucking memo assnugget.  
TD: You. Invited. Me.  
TD: So! Hah.

\-- HaughtyChimes [HC] joined memo --

HC: Alioth, Xiphas.  
HC: Alioth, what is Your status?  
HC: Xiphas, I know You're stressed out but breathe. Alioth is in so little trouble She's allowed to contact us freely. Things will be fine.  
TD: Yes. Okay.  
GT: sprawled on my bed face up w computing device held over my face. if it falls on me ill take it as a love tap from u.  
HC: Very good, You may.   
GT: pffffffff. c3<  
HC: Now will one of You fill me in? I have no idea what happened at all!  
TD: Don't know if should. Lockdown indicates? Wanting to contain? Information or people.  
GT: yeah thats why they let us have trollian stupid.  
GT: its def people movement. they know the feline lusus is out of the bag already they just dont want a riot.  
TD: You! Be! Polite.  
GT: noppers.  
HC: Alioth, be polite.  
HC: What hAPPENED?  
HC: Xiphas, You were out of touch for so long I started getting worried. And then suddenly Alioth as well? It is rEALLY fRUSTRATING that neither of You managed to give Me a heads up.  
GT: what xiffy too??  
TD: Yes.  
GT: wow tallyn shadowbabe that was so enlightening i am now a messiah-blinged bong.  
TD: More. Nonsense.  
TD: Survivors. Of the Battleship Condescension. Were found.  
TD: Heard unsubstantiated rumors.  
TD: While in deep. Unknown space. Both Supreme Ruler and helmsman. Disappeared.  
TD: Took four sweeps to limp home.  
TD: Stuffing every crew member. With a smidgen of psychic ability. Inside the helmscolumn in turn.  
GT: hoooooly shiiiiiiiit.  
TD: Find it. Unnerving. To have been leaderless for so many sweeps. And not known it.  
GT: well that explains part of what happened in my subtle subjugation of the masses class today then.  
GT: but like only part.  
HC: Yes? What dID happen, cinderling?  
GT: buncha threshies burst in and tried to make off with the heiress. heiress was like back off your bass and spit it out first. Then kingfuckingfish anchofucker himself gives her the bended knee riiiiight in the middle of the class and calls her ur condescension.   
HC: Oh my.  
HC: I agree with You, Xiphas. I am quite unnerved as well. This is barely imaginable.  
GT: i mean statistically the empress had to die one day but only because everything else dies and itd suck if the universe finally croaked and she didnt. but wow think about the luck tho. that shed die and *not leave the throne empty*.  
GT: hell even more than just not empty.  
HC: What do you mean?  
GT: you guys havent asked me whats the part that xiffys story didnt explain.  
TD: Huh. Didn't. Indeed.  
TD: I'm? Asking? Now.  
GT: unfun.  
TD: Too. Predictable.  
HC: Tarlings.  
GT: its the part where the  
GT: where feferi peixes said nah were not holding the coronation that fast.  
GT: because the other heiress is gonna need to haul ass to get there already and they gotta wait for her.  
TD: THE. OTHER. WHAT.  
TD: THE?? OTHER?? WHAT..  
HC: Oh holy mother of fUCK.  
GT: yeah thats what i said.

\--

Two weeks later, the night before the lockdown is lifted and you can resume classes (without the Heiress or her crew, because they will have left) you get a mail from Lalond.

Do you want to be the future Empress' private tutor, she asks. Since the political situation is too in flux to allow classroom learning and it's still shit they all hella need to know, and amongst those who can also teach instead of make their students want to practice those murderous crowd movements on them you're at the top of your field.

She knows you're a lot more interested in standing on the sidelines with a bowl of popped plant kernels than in taking a side, and it's going to be really, really interesting in the next few sweeps, you don't even know how much.

You want to say yes. It's history in the making, it's crowd dynamics on a gigantic scale and you'd get to be standing right by the eye of the storm. 

You say you gotta discuss it with your quadrants.

You're not all that young and passionate anymore. You're comfortable here. You're not sure if you'll regret it longer than you'd have missed them. 

You promise Rrhoze you'll mail her your syllabus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alioth Isbjorn: Ursa Major, Indigo, female, sociological teacher, lowkey cultist. gelidTrawl [GT]  
> Tallyn Cadens: Lyra, purple, female, middle leaf, administrator. haughtyChimes [HC]  
> Xiphas Mahima: Dorado, purple, male, fights with a sword, security captain. toledoDominion [TD]

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [On The Outside Looking In [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737753) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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